Yesterday was the last time that I saw my husband, in our home.
Yesterday, I laughed, I cried with the man whom has both destroyed me and built me.
Yesterday, I mourned all that I had lost.
Yesterday, I celebrated all that I had gained.
Yesterday, I let go of my marriage and the battle scars that weave themselves through my days and nights beating a rhythm that I do not yet understand.
Today, is the day that I move on.
Today, I create a future for myself.
Today, I have never been more alone.
Today, I have so much hope.
Today, I pluck new dreams out of the universe and spin myself new stars to follow, and renovate old ones.
I am no longer a wife, but instead am just Jo.
Just Jo, with all the potential those two words contain.
What will I become?
I am sorry to hear about your loss. A loss of a partner in marriage is very difficult, especially after IF. A few years ago my world came crashing down in the midst of IF and divorce. He was diagnosed with MF IF and did not take the news very well and our relationship that was on shaky ground came to an abrupt end. It sounds like you are on the edge of many emotions and it will take time to feel them and sort them out. I wish you well in the next chapter in your life. It sounds like you are being real to what is now your new reality, while holding onto the positive. May you hold onto your strength as you build a new life and dream new dreams.
ReplyDeleteJo, this is not regarding your post at all (I'm sorry for your loss, but glad you're moving on!). However, I just wanted to say that you were RIGHT about Ruth on FJ. Please consider yourself vindicated. I was always in your camp, btw.
ReplyDeleteI wasn't and I was the one who told Jo she was "low" for doubting Ruth. Jo, you were right and I was wrong. And unkind. Will you please forgive me? RR was fake. I'm processing a lot of emotion over it. As far as your own personal life, best wishes. Oh, and having been both a pre school teacher/day cay worker and a live in nanny, I recommend the former but not the latter. Nannying (esp. live in) is tough tough tough...if you do nanny, at least live out. Just my 2 cents..
Delete~Rebekah
just read through your old blog..I never realized you were in Australia...cool..
Delete~Rebekah